Even water is tasting like jack daniels
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
