He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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