Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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