You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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