roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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