you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
