come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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