If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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