why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
