Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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