ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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