Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
