Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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