yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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