so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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