Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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