i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
