we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
