I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
