I bet he comes in French.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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