While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
