how can u be prego again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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