I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
