she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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