matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
