8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
