the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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