I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
