What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
