after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
