True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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