I'm so fucking centered right now
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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