A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
