I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
is that a dick in a sweater?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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