Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
