no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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