I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
