I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
