Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
