I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
