her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the condom got lost in my hair
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
