when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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