Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
