Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
