My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
