I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
