Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ladies don't puke and tell
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
