so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
