he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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