well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
