i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
