it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
