just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
