Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
