The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
